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Aint No Shame in That Game:  A Truthful Chat with Jacob Sokol, Sensophy Life Coach

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Aint No Shame in That Game: A Truthful Chat with Jacob Sokol, Sensophy Life Coach

JacobBethanyScreenshot.jpg
JacobBethanyScreenshot
JacobBethanyScreenshot

Do you want the long of it or do you want the short of it?

First, here's the short of it, for all ye blog-skimmers out there:

Today's podcast might be one of my favorites by anyone ever.  (I say this while dancing in a cloak of modesty, of course.)

I kick off the call by listing a few of the many ways my dear friend Jacob inspires me, so I will spare you the redundancy of listing those again here.

Let me tell you, instead, about the call itself.

You’ll see I elected not to remove the parts I was tempted to cut:  apparently when you preach about authenticity, you’re not allowed to polish your podcasts.  Go figure.

Here's the thing I am most proud of both from Jacob and from myself on this call:  while we are *talking* about the concepts of vulnerability, courage and authenticity, we are also *walking* those very same concepts at the very same time.  We are shedding light on subjects that have once brought *us* shame.

We are letting ourselves shine.

If I had wanted to lead you to believe that it was easy for me to discuss those vulnerable topics, my mildly-quavering voice would have belied my efforts.

But it's not my intention to portray vulnerability as something that is easy.  It's only my intention to portray vulnerability as something that is worthwhile.

Now here's the longer of it, for all ye who enjoy a lil' background before delving into a podcast:

If you are not familiar with Jacob Sokol or his website, Sensophy, his story "behind the glory" is a great place to begin.

Jacob and I first met about a year ago when he was assigned to be my trainer for some work we were both doing with the en*theos Academy for Optimal Living.  In my first few hours of knowing Jacob, we found ourselves on a three-way phone call between the two of us and Mastin Kipp (creator of The Daily Love.)

During that conversation, Mastin ran a quick "Love University" intervention on me--which was an incredibly rare opportunity, if you know anything about Mastin.  For better or for worse, I do nothing half-heartedly (especially interventions), so when Mastin asked me a very pointed question, I sobbed and uncovered that one of my core fears is that "PEOPLE WILL THINK I'M AN A**HOLE."  (Please:  when you picture me saying that to those two men, picture the type of crying where your words sound wet because of all of the liquids that are spewing from your eyes and your nose.)

I like to keep it classy.

A reader recently asked me how people who are new to the self-dev community can go about finding their "peeps."  When she asked me this, I immediately thought of the incident now known as  the "I Might Be an A**hole" (IMBA) Conversation of 2012 (for lack of a better term.)

The blubbering and vulnerable revelation in front of two men I barely knew was…well, it was a little embarrassing at the time.  And awkward.

It was awkward for *me.*  It did not appear to be awkward for them.  

In fact, that's exactly when my friendship with Jacob was born.  When Mastin had to sign off the call, Jacob held space for me.  I tried to make a joke to dismiss the awkwardness but Jacob didn't take the bait to move away from the uncomfortable moment.  He just held space.  I felt no judgement from him; only kinship.

To answer my reader's question about peeps-finding:  when I allow myself to be seen and I feel no discomfort from the other person, this is when I know I have found one of my peeps.

HERE'S THE IRONY, THOUGH:  if I had gone into that conversation *wanting* Jacob to be my "peep," I can almost guarantee you that a friendship would not have been born that day.  If I had known who he was at that time, I probably would have wanted to be his buddy, which would have made me more guarded and less authentic on the call.

Which wouldn't have given him the chance to hold space for me.  Which wouldn't have given me the opportunity to feel kinship from him.

Both I and Alanis Morisette want to know:  Isn't that ironic?  Isn't it ironic that when we *want* someone to be our friend, we don't show them who we are?  

So I think we've landed upon something big here, as far as peeps-finding goes.

Ever since that IMBA call, Jacob and I have scheduled periodic check-ins to nudge each other along in our personal and business journeys.  Our stories have similar themes but different scenes and characters, making us sort of like spiritual siblings, in a way.

Or, maybe, if we *all* had *true* conversations with more people more often, we'd find that we're *all* spiritual sistahs and brothahs from othah mothahs.

If we all spoke the truth more often, maybe we'd remember that we're *all* in this together.

On that note, I'm so excited and thankful to introduce YOU--my peeps--to my treasured friend Jacob and to his peeps.  I guarantee he will inspire you.

Light-Catchers:  meet Sensophizers!  Sensophizers:  WELCOME!!!

Stay tuned after Jacob and I sign off the call - I'll pop back on the mic with a quick summary of some of my favorite big ideas from the conversation!

Jacob:  THANK YOU!!  :)

***

Here's the podcast!

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SO:  will this call help to move you forward, or is it spiritual entertainment at best?

Tell me one helpful idea you're taking from the conversation!

 Don't forget to sign up for Jacob's email updates and also for mine!

Shine on, sistahs and brothahs!  :)

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Brian Johnson Podcast: Personal Roadblocks and How to Overcome Them

bethanyo.com_0062.jpg
bethanyo.com_0062.jpg

This podcast with Brian Johnson is, like Brian himself,  *awesome sauce.*  Let me just start with that.

Also.  I don't know why I was so anxious before this call.  Yes I do.

Brian and Alexandra Johnson mean a lot to me.  They have been such a positive force in my life over the past year, and I am EXCITED to introduce you, my blog readers, to some of their well-practiced wisdom.

Excitement and anxiety are twinsies, almost.

I was also NERVOUS because this was such a treasured opportunity:  I was afraid I'd F it up.

[This is the fun dance we play with any blessing in our lives, isn't it?  Excitement for the Goodness vs Fear of Ruining/Losing Said Goodness.  Ironically, both sides of that battle make the opposing side stronger.  I can't decide if I think that's a good thing.]

Also.

You should know that I have a history of crying in professional situations.  This history gives me the heebie-jeebies, when I think about it.  For every professional position I've ever held, I can think of a time when I did not want to cry in that position but I cried anyway.  Usually in front of a boss who had no idea how to handle it.

[Psst!  My ego wants me to tell you that I was very good at those jobs despite the crying.]

During smalltalk before this podcast, Brian made the obtuse mistake of asking me how I was doing.  I mean, honestly!  The audacity on that guy.

I could have hidden my feelings this time.  I could have given him the standard "great thanks--you?" answer and started the podcast without tipping my hand about my anxiety.

At least I THINK I could have done that, this time.  Let's just say I could have.

But nowadays I know how poisonous it is for me to hide my truths and I surround myself with people who value and encourage those truths, so I named it.  I told Brian I was nervous and my voice shook and I had some uncomfortable pauses where I'm sure he knew I was wiping away tears and holding the receiver away from my mouth while gasping for breath, but it was okay.  I felt safe here.

For the first time in a professional-ish situation, instead of berating myself for my excitable anxious energy, I was proud of my willingness to be authentic because I know now that it takes a lot of courage to allow ourselves to be seen in this world.

And I'm grateful to Brian for creating that safe space.

I've been unsure how to introduce today's podcast to you.  Brian's resume is super-impressive, but I didn't want to copy/paste his bio, because pasting is boring and bios are impersonal.

It's tempting to tout the popularity of Brian's work, but that would be too ironic:  Brian discourages extrinsic goal-setting and sets me straight whenever I appear concerned about social media rankings, etc.

What I find most impressive about both Brian and Alexandra is not their accomplishments, but how they show up as people.  They open my eyes to the type of human being I aspire to be.

My husband, Owen, had a suggestion for me.

"You've mentioned how Brian holds space for people," he said.  "You've said that even when he is very busy, he still has a way of honoring the people around him.  You have said this inspires YOU to want to be the same way…to be present and to help people feel connected and safe in sharing themselves.  You should probably mention that in your intro."

Good idea, O.  Good idea.

[Cut back to scene 1:  Pre-Podcast Jitters.]  Of course Brian was helpful when I said I was nervous.  He related the tricks he uses to alchemize his own nervous energy back into enthusiasm, shared funny stories of past anxieties, and even Alexandra hopped on the phone to help a sistah out.  This is the type of people they are, the Johnsons.

But then I looked at the clock.  We were halfway through our allotted time, and we hadn't even begun recording.  Knowing that Brian's time is in high demand, I asked if it would be better for him that we reschedule.

"I have as much time as you need," he told me.

That sentence, my friends, tells you much more than any bio could tell you about Brian Johnson.

***

In today's podcast, Brian shares some roadblocks he has faced on his road to success, as well as the tools he has used to overcome them.

I think you'll love it!  Here it is!

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I'd love to hear one thing you're taking from today's post / podcast!

***

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Podcast: Letting It Shine with Dr. Judith Wright

Podcast Image - Catching the Light.jpg
Podcast Image - Catching the Light.jpg

At the risk of sounding like I'm sitting atop a high horse, I'm going to note an important distinction.

There is a sweet difference between LEARNING how to be our best selves and actually BEING our best selves, no?

For instance.  It's awesome to post inspirational quotes to our Facebook walls.  It's even awesomer to heed those words and actually conduct our REAL lives in a way that makes us proud.  Yes?

My high horse is out to pasture.  I make that distinction because I realize that even despite my passion for self-development work, when I am triggered towards a pattern I'd like to change, actually MAKING those changes is…ummm...how do I say…it is FREAKING HARD.  And SCARY.

That's why I like how Dr. Judith and Dr. Bob Wright differentiate between "learning," "growing," and "transforming" in their book, "Transformed!  The Science of Spectacular Living:"

    • Learning - knowing something you didn't know before
    • Growing - doing something you haven't done before
    • Transforming - becoming someone you've never been before

The Wrights studied the small group of "Positive Deviants" who made quantum leaps forward when they emerged from the Wright Leadership Institute, as opposed to most of their peers, who made significant but incremental improvements.  They figured out what separated these two groups, and they created a process (and this book) to help other people become Positive Deviants, too.

Positive Deviation?  Sign me up for some of that.

Dr. Judith also coined the term "soft addictions," which I talked about in this particularly awesome post which no one saw because I changed URLs that same day and accidentally broke all of my mail chimp links.  Whoops.  (Bop on over.  Surely you want to.)

Now guess what.

It is with elf-like happy dances that I announce a new "Catching the Light" Podcast Series in which I will to be interviewing brilliant (as in "smart" but mostly "luminescent") thought-leaders to get their best tips on how to "Let It Shine" in the real world.

And guess what else.  Dr. Judith Wright (a radiant being and "one of the most sought-after self-help gurus in the country") is my first guest.

Hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity-dog!

Here's the podcast:

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Listen in the car, or while you're cleaning or working out or whatevs.  I can't wait to hear what you think of it.

Podcast Highlights:

  • How to address that "itch you cannot scratch" (feeling unfulfilled despite tremendous achievements.)
  • The key to being happy BEFORE losing the weight, finding the spouse, or meeting that next goal.
  • How to use the "So That Test" to figure out what your soul yearns for.
  • Judith's reflections on my self-judgement about yearning to be seen.
  • Simple components necessary for old dogs to learn new tricks.
  • What to keep in mind if you feel like there's "no use" in making changes because people cast you into a role you can't escape.
  • How seemingly harmless activities like habitual-facebook-checking or shopping addictions make us "numb and dumber."
  • One small thing you can do today to become your "next most radiant self."

Podcast Quotables (click to tweet):

"We think 'this is just the way it is.' No: it's the way you're wired.  You can do something about it." - Judith

"Any career can be made into a calling and any calling can be made into a career." - unknown

"Science proves old dogs CAN learn new tricks.  We're just AFRAID to change, or we don't want to do the work." - Bethany

"You know what's a sign of weakness?  Not changing." - Judith

"92% of Americans admit to having soft addictions and I think the other 8% are in denial." - Judith

"Live this day more adventurously. Get a little out of your comfort zone. What emerges will be a glimpse of your next most radiant self." - Judith

***

Any thoughts on the Podcast?  Future people you'd like me to interview?

I love to hear from you!

***

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